The topic of gender has been the source of much deliberation as many struggle with their expressions that often don't fit within societal expectations. For me, gender has been the topic of much thought regarding accepted roles and responsibilities, as well as social behavior. Too often I found myself in doubt in situations where gender roles define who should be doing what and how, which disagrees with my common sense or natural inclinations, creating an inner conflict, an emotional disbalance and confusion. This is especially common in relationships and marriages, where people of opposite genders try to define their roles and behaviors within the union. With common meditation practices and core values of self sufficiency, I often find myself crossing socially accepted gender boundaries, doing things or behaving in ways that don’t fit into my gender stereotype.
From a purely physical perspective, attributes of opposite genders can be quite captivating and exciting, especially for those who are in need of deep healing or simply desiring pleasant states of mind. However as pleasant as it sounds, it could be easily looked at as an attachment to an external stimuli, which by definition is out of our control, thus making us vulnerable and susceptible to mindless and fleeting pleasures. I often used to catch myself staring at female body parts, as my mind couldn’t get enough of this magic sight. Ironically, it also made me very uncomfortable and often prompted for strange and elusive behavior patterns. Most importantly, I was not in control of the situation, it made me feel powerless and dependent on something that was not a part of me.
With time and meditation, I solved this problem by simply using my imagination to satisfy the natural longing for the opposite gender. For one thing, I imagined myself being a woman in some other lifetime, visualized what that might look like to get fully accustomed to my new physical appearance. Loving and respecting my new attributes, I went on further to imagine the potential spiritual qualities I might have as a woman. This practice truly caught me by surprise, as my newly developing awareness devoured female stereotypes to construct a viable picture of the new me. The learning process is still ongoing until this very day, but one thing is for sure, once the doors of awareness are open to both genders, it feeds the soul in various essential ways that are not available from a single gender point of view.
Exploring this topic even further from the perspective of energies, genders are commonly translated into polarities, where men occupy the masculine, while women dominate the feminine. From the perspective of an advanced spiritual practitioner, the world of energy is like an open book, there are no genders there, just flows of masculine and feminine charges interacting with each other in harmony. In fact, many yoga practitioners break through their gender boundaries and adapt a unisex approach to their daily behavior, where one is flexible enough to provide the most compassionate and common sense response in any particular situation. Sometimes it requires strength and intelligence, other times grace and compassion, or perhaps some combination of both.
There are times in life when it requires our masculine energies to come out, other times it is the feminine energy that has a better solution to the problem. When one starts to look at life as a problem-solution paradigm, where compassion for other beings and basic common sense provide natural guidance and direction, it is not difficult to see that we can't always solve problems by looking at them from a single gender perspective, as many people do. In fact, as one develops an open minded approach, it is imperative to apply flexibility to one's decisions and actions so it may present the most graceful solution to any particular situation. From this viewpoint, one is judged by the level of awareness generated by the solution, not the actual solution itself.
If we study ancient scriptures and paintings mostly from Hindu and Buddhist cultures, it is not difficult to see that it was a common spiritual practice to develop both masculine and feminine qualities within a practicing individual. There is often a reference to the union and balance of opposites within the practitioner's mind, soothing and pacifying any odds or inconsistencies previously created by erroneous interpretation of reality. As one dives deeper into self mastery, the nuances of habitual tendencies can often be quite subtle, but in combination and over time creating a particular illusion of existence that is not aligned with the original divine source of all energy. Such levels of existence often harbor myriads of beings that share the same illusory qualities, creating a sense of reality which is in fact a mirage of shape and form supported by collective transmutation of the divine light.
In our human realm, we often try to fit our behavior within a particular gender prototype, thus splitting the incoming energy into a duality of existence. When such dualities are brought together, they often create powerful outbursts, transmuting the illusion of separation into the feeling of completeness and oneness. Those who are not ready to receive such pure information are often confused by the message, and try to shape it into their view of the world, thus creating much pain, attachment, and suffering trying to reconcile the feeling with the reality. Many know from personal experience how merging polarities and sexual unions can produce similar effects, as our human history is littered with heart-wrenching stories of love and separation, often discouraging us from ever trying to heal our bipolar tendencies and simply accept our way of life, further entrenching us into the duality of shape and form. This often produces stuffed emotions leading to deeper psychological issues, as we try to cope with realities that don’t fit our natural inner development.
The truth is, we are all capable of being self-sufficient beings in most ways except for reproduction, which is the only physical attribute that requires the participation of two opposite sexes. When it comes to everything else, it's an open book and an opportunity to behave in whichever way that fits your particular case or a situation. This is especially relevant when it comes to ascension practices, when the main goal is continuous healing of all the broken parts of your inner self, be that masculine or feminine. There are no taboos here, as healing might demand whatever craziness that’s required to undo the damage inflicted long ago, that shaped our thoughts and actions into a particular way of being and perceiving the world around us. Such deep healing knows no boundaries, it needs no apologies, and no witnesses, just self dealing with the self, introspecting and acknowledging, forgiving and reenacting, accepting all orphan and resented parts of your inner being back into the warm house of your divine presence.